the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
