the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
