arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
