Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
