if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
