U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
