I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
