Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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