Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
