8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
