Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
