I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize