peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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