i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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