you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
