1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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