You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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