I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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