you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
