meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
