hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
