my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
