They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
