Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
