ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
