wanna go halves on a baby?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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