If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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