I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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