A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
