first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
