Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
