Having a random hookup so left but love u
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My Sexting was not on an AP level
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
