i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
