I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
