Please, let me fuck your mom
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
