if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
