If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
