Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
