dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
