a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
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My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
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Watching her eat just hurts me
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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