Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
