All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
