i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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