worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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