What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Is it penis luge time yet?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
