I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Boobs speak an international language.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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