It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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