dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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