A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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