Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
