it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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