this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
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Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
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I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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