Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
