He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
