Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
