i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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