so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
