matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
