My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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