Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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