Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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