I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i out mim tonsoeep
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