the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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