his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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