she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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