everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
