I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
