I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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