I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
