Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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