how can u be prego again
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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