Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
