she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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