Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
