Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
