i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
